


Political Animals

by rainbowshoes



Series: Tony Stark Bingo 2019 [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: (sort of), Adultery, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst Dark Brew, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Blood, Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Overdose, Political Animals AU, Rehabilitation, Self-Doubt, Sex, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Suicide Attempt, Tony is the president, background Pepper/Natasha, bucky is a slut tbh, bucky is a twink, but so is Tony, cursing, the redheaded duo is terrifyingly efficient and will murder you with their shoes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 07:08:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17720492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowshoes/pseuds/rainbowshoes
Summary: Tony expected someone to try to blackmail him. He's already dealt with it a few times. He's the president, after all. Who doesn't want dirt on him? But when the guy who sent him a shady email threatening to expose his and Bucky's secret relationship to the public unless Tony paid him a, frankly ridiculous, sum of money, Tony figured JARVIS could take care of the problem. Thing was, he really needed to talk to Bucky about this. And running for his next term - did he want to? Did they want to try to keep their relationship a secret for so long? There are other considerations, too, but Tony can talk to Bucky about all of that - after their shower.Only, he doesn't get the chance. Bucky sees the email and the threat first, blows everything out of proportion and takes Tony's desire to talk the wrong way - then he runs.(Edit - forgot to put this in the summary, sorry)For the Tony Stark Bingo!Fills (in this order):A3 FREE SPACE - Political AUT1 Bathing/Showering togetherR1 Wake upA5 Reunion





	1. A3: FREE SPACE: Political AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fill for:  
> A3: FREE SPACE  
> which I decided to use for this political au
> 
> I'm barely skating by on this chapter with 660 words :p

The first time Tony saw Bucky was at a party shortly after he’d been elected president. He’d invited Rogers and his entire campaign party for a sort of consolation get-together, with good food, plenty of booze, and lots of pretty people with the right political clout. Bucky didn’t precisely look out of place, though he did by showing up in jeans and wearing his shirt untucked, but his shameless winking and bold flirting with Tony - nearly from across the room at times - was enough to get Tony more than interested. They’d rubbed elbows at the bar for all of thirty seconds before vanishing together down a hallway and finding an empty room. 

Bucky on his knees and Tony’s cock in his mouth, both of them still fully dressed, was one of Tony’s favorite looks on him. Probably top five. Definitely top ten. 

And then Steve had walked in, had nearly given Tony a fucking heart attack, and had groaned and covered his eyes at what he’d just interrupted. Tony didn't think he'd ever forget that little bit of conversation. 

“You couldn’t have at least gone after someone in  _ my _ campaign?” Steve asked, more than a little plaintive. 

“I’ve already fucked my way through both,” Bucky had said, nose in the air. And Tony really should have known just how much of a twink Bucky was just from that moment, but he hadn’t quite caught on. “Mr. Stark here looked like more fun, anyway.” Bucky had smirked and winked, and Tony was so  _ gone _ . 

“Jesus Christ,” Steve muttered, clearly annoyed, but not angry. “You’re such a fucking twink. I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea.”

“I am  _ not _ ,” Bucky said, half-outraged, half distracted by Tony’s cock still in his hand. 

Steve just gave him a flat look. “You have a tattoo of a flower on your ass, Buck. Of course you’re a twink.”

Bucky had flushed such a pretty pink at that, though he didn’t seem embarrassed at all about being caught - by his best friend, no less - on his knees in front of a man nearly twenty years his senior. Tony had softly worked his hand through Bucky’s spiky hair and tugged his head back, making Bucky look at him, at his mischievous grin. 

“Show me.”

That first night wasn’t their best, nor their worst, but it was enough to keep them revolving around each other, coming back for more time and time again. After that weird little dance between them for almost three months, Tony finally asked Bucky to be serious - to be his, and only his. Bucky had looked at Tony like he hung the goddamn moon. 

It wasn’t easy, though. Not for either of them. Tony couldn’t take Bucky out on lavish, expensive dates like he wanted to. He couldn’t dance with Bucky at political get-togethers, couldn’t flaunt Bucky on his arm and show him off the way he deserved to be shown off. 

Tony was married. He was the president. He couldn’t risk the backlash and public outcry. 

Bucky never seemed to mind, though. He’d come over and Tony would cook for just the two of them. They’d dance right there in the living room, and Tony would play piano for Bucky, though he refused to play for anyone else. Bucky was beautiful with that soft little smile on his face as he just watched Tony do whatever he was doing, or when he bit his lip, when he smirked, when he did almost anything at all. 

His drug problem was… well, a problem. But he hadn’t touched anything more than a few aspirin since he and Tony had really started this thing between them. Tony was proud of him, endlessly impressed by his strength. Tony was a few short steps away from being labeled as a functioning alcoholic, himself - and he was being generous about the ‘functioning’ part. But Bucky stayed clean - with him, for him, whatever - and Tony loved him.


	2. T1: Bathing/Showering together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Square fill:  
> T1 Bathing/Showering together
> 
> short chapter to fill the square! but it comes in barely over 600 words, so I'm hitting the minimum at least, right? ahahahaha

Tony sighed hard and threw his phone on the bed. He scraped his hand through his hair and tugged at the knot on his tie. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with this right now. Fucking blackmail and extortion. Who did they think they were dealing with? He might not have had access to much of his company right now, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still a literal genius. That didn’t mean he didn’t have  _ JARVIS _ . JARVIS was already tracking down whoever had taken the pictures, whoever what threatening to expose his and Bucky’s relationship. It was only a matter of time. 

He smiled faintly when he heard Bucky singing in the shower. He sounded terrible, honestly. He just couldn’t sing like Ariana Grande - not many people could, to be fair. Tony loved listening to him, anyway. He left his blazer over the back of a chair and stepped out of his shoes, tossed his tie over the blazer, threw his belt on the cushion, and then stepped into the bathroom, as well. 

“Tony?” Bucky asked. He cracked open the shower door and grinned at Tony, his wet hair plastered to his forehead. “You’re home!”

“Of course,” Tony said softly, stepping closer to Bucky and tugging him down by the back of his neck to press a kiss to his forehead. Bucky gave him that stupid, soft-sappy look that melted Tony’s heart every damn time. “Couldn’t let you fall asleep without me. Not again.” Bucky’s smile was soft and warm, and Tony returned it as he took a step back. He slipped off his watch and undid the buttons on his shirt with quick, careful precision. His trousers were next, followed by his boxers. Bucky’s heated look, up and down Tony’s body, was enough to warm Tony from within. 

He nudged Bucky back into the shower after tossing aside his socks and stepped in after him. Bucky dragged him under the spray as he kissed Tony hungrily, like he was starving for affection, like Tony hadn’t fucked him through the mattress just that morning before he left. It didn’t matter. Tony would give and give and give until there was nothing left of him for this beautiful man in his arms. Bucky was  _ everything _ .

Bucky nipped at Tony’s lip, then pulled away with a wide grin. “Hurry up, old man. I’m all finished. Just waiting for you, now.” He stuck out his tongue, teasing, and Tony pinched his hip, just over his tiny rose tattoo, with a soft laugh.

“All right, all right,” Tony said. He smiled softly as Bucky ducked in close to kiss his cheek. “We’ll get dinner when I get out, huh? I actually wanted to talk to you about a few things before we went to bed tonight.” 

“Oh?” Bucky asks, his arms still wrapped around Tony’s neck. He dragged his nose along Tony’s cheek, following the careful line of Tony’s fussy, perfect goatee. “Anything important?”

“Yeah,” Tony said, squeezing Bucky closer. He kisses Bucky again, unable to resist. “It’s about you, of course it’s important. You’re - you’re one of the most important parts of my life.” 

Bucky smiled, soft and a little shy, like he wanted to believe the compliment, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to trust it. “Well, we won’t ever talk about anything in the shower,” Bucky said, reluctantly withdrawing. “Don’t keep me waiting too long.” He gave Tony another shy smile, then ducked out of the shower. Tony watched him through the translucent glass, little more than a vague, Bucky-shaped outline, until he had a towel secured around his waist and he’d left for the bedroom. 


	3. R1: Wake up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Square fill:  
> R1 Wake up
> 
> longer chapter this time! 1951 words :)

Tony didn’t dally in the shower. He had no reason to, not without Bucky there to distract him. Not that he minded when Bucky distracted him, of course, but it did make things more efficient when Bucky wasn’t there. He scrubbed his hair and washed his body and finished in less than the usual half-hour it took Bucky to do the same basic things. When he stepped out of the shower, he took the time to carefully remove his cufflinks from his shirt and dig his wallet from his trousers, then he tossed his laundry into the bag to go to the dry cleaners. He wrapped a towel around his hips and headed into the bedroom to get dressed.

He wasn’t surprised that Bucky wasn’t waiting for him, not particularly, though usually, Bucky did wait right there on the bed. He’d make some teasing comment as Tony tried to get dressed, and then he’d make himself as generally distracting as possible until Tony usually gave in and joined him. Sometimes, though, Bucky would go to the kitchen and get some leftovers warmed up for them or order some food for them to share. Tony assumed that’s where Bucky was now, so he went ahead and got dressed, finding some soft pants and a tee shirt for the short remainder of the evening. It wasn’t like he’d wear anything for long, but he didn’t usually wander around naked - not like Bucky sometimes enjoyed.

But when Tony walked out to the kitchen and living area, Bucky wasn’t there. “Bucky?” he called, now curious and just a little concerned. “Where’d you go, honey?”

No answer. Tony frowned hard and took the time to check the guest room before walking a little quicker back to the bedroom to grab his phone. It wasn’t on the bed where he’d left it, though. It was on the nightstand. 

Tony’s stomach sank to his feet. He knew exactly what Bucky would have seen if he’d opened his phone. The email from whoever was trying to blackmail him - the photos, the threats. Everything that reduced their relationship down to nothing but a dirty, shameful secret and money to be made. Tony didn’t like to think like that, but he knew that was what other people thought. Bucky wasn’t his shame, wasn’t dirty, wasn’t anything or anyone to feel guilty about loving. 

He unlocked his phone, and sure enough, there was the damning evidence. He cleared it away, frustrated that it existed at all, that it had to ruin his night. “JARVIS, call Bucky, please. Keep it ringing until he answers.”

The call connected immediately, and Tony flipped it to speaker as he tore through his closet - for jeans and a tee shirt, this time, an old hoodie, some tennis shoes. He dressed as the line continued to ring forever and ever. Obviously, Bucky wasn’t going to answer him. Tony ended the call himself and shoved his phone and wallet in his pockets. He grabbed his keys and nearly ran out the door. Bucky’s apartment was only a few miles away. 

He took the Audi. The Lexus was Pepper’s, after all. It took ten minutes to drive to Bucky’s apartment. Two minutes to get up to Bucky’s floor. Ten seconds to find Bucky’s key on his keyring, and another ten to get his hands to stop shaking enough to get the key in the door and unlock it. 

The apartment was still mostly dark. A single lamp lit the small living room. Tony walked through the space. “Bucky?” he called, worry filtering through his tone. “Baby, I’m worried about you. Please answer me.”

He expected anger. Outrage that Tony had dared follow him home. But there was  _ nothing _ . Tony’s heart was beating too damn fast in his chest. He pushed open the bedroom door and realized the light was on in the en suite. Dread filled his entire body. He didn’t want to walk through the room, but his feet were taking him there anyway. He didn’t want to open the bathroom door, but his hand was already reaching for the knob. He didn’t want to look inside, but his eyes were focusing on Bucky’s feet on the white tile already. 

Bucky was pale. Very pale. And there was a little bit of blood on his head, where it looked like he’d fallen and cracked his head open on the side of the tub. Tony dropped to his knees and immediately began to search for Bucky’s pulse. He couldn’t find one. 

“JARVIS, call emergency services now!” Tony shouted. “Bucky - Bucky overdosed.” His voice choked and broke over the words. “Tell Pepper.” His whisper at her name was so soft, he wasn’t sure if JARVIS heard it at all, but he couldn’t bear to repeat it. He dragged Bucky’s limp body into his arms and help him close.

“Please wake up,” Tony begged, rubbing his hand over Bucky’s face and through his still-damp hair. “Wake up, Bucky. Wake up!” His last shout was ragged and awful, but Bucky’s eyes fluttered, just the tiniest amount. Tony sobbed, dragging Bucky closer to his chest and crying against Bucky’s shoulder. 

“Why, baby?” he whispered, unable to speak any louder. “Why would you do this to yourself?” He didn’t expect any answers, but he wanted them. He wanted to shake Bucky until he understood he was never, ever allowed to scare Tony like this ever again. But he didn’t. He just sat there, with Bucky in his arms, until emergency services arrived and took him away. 

Pepper and Natasha appeared shortly after, got Tony cleaned up and presentable, took him to the hospital where they were keeping Bucky, and then made him tell them what happened while they sat in the car. 

Bucky never knew about Pepper’s relationship with Natasha. Tony didn’t know that. He’d always thought Natasha had told him. They were close like that. But she hadn’t because she’d thought Tony had told him. Pepper had thought at least one of the two of them had told him, and she was annoyed with their lack of coordination and forethought. But she was Pepper for a reason, and she didn’t let that stop her. She arranged Bucky’s transfer to a luxury rehab facility right from her phone, with JARVIS’ help, and Natasha got Tony in to see Bucky in his hospital room. 

He only got to stay for a few minutes to avoid anyone spotting him, but seeing Bucky in that hospital bed with a breathing tube down his throat and an IV in hand and knowing he’d never be able to sit by his side, where he fucking  _ belonged _ , hurt in more ways than Tony could have possibly imagined. Natasha had to drag him away. 

The world didn’t stop for Tony, though, and it most certainly didn’t stop for Bucky. Tony wrote Bucky a letter - a very long letter - instead. He sent it straight to the rehab facility by the time he finished it, knowing Bucky would be there already. 

He explained the situation with the man who was trying to blackmail him. He explained that the man never would have gotten a penny, and that JARVIS would have ensured the pictures the man had never saw the light of day. Tony explained that he’d wanted to discuss running for a second term with Bucky, that he wanted to know if Bucky thought it was worth continuing to hide their relationship for another six years - rather than just two, if he didn’t try to run again. He explained the situation between Natasha and Pepper, told Bucky that Pepper had known nearly the entire time about Bucky, that she adored him. He explained that his and Pepper’s marriage was purely political - unmarried men were less liked over married men, and she’d agreed to marry him for at least as long as he was president and no longer. 

Tony told Bucky he loved him, again and again, told him he worried about him night and day, that he couldn’t function without him by his side. And that part was truer than anything. Tony had slipped from almost-an-alcoholic straight into full-time-functioning-alcoholic practically overnight. He told Bucky he never wanted to be without him, but that if he couldn’t handle the secrecy any longer, he understood. And he did. Even if it would destroy him to know that Bucky was truly gone forever.

He never got a letter in return. Phone calls weren’t allowed. The rehab facility may have been luxury, but it was serious about what it did. Tony wrote to Bucky every single week. Sometimes the letters were short, on bad weeks when he couldn’t put down the bottle long enough to scrape himself together for a political function, but most of the time they were pages and pages long, telling Bucky absolutely every detail of every event he’d missed, sharing only the good and never the bad. Hoping to make Bucky smile or laugh or just brighten his day - if only a little. Tony had spent enough time in rehab to know how spectacularly shitty it was. 

Steve came to Tony when Bucky had been in rehab for a month. Tony fully expected screaming or yelling or anger, but Steve was calm and sad and understanding. Natasha, he'd explained, had told him everything. 

Tony poured Steve a drink, and they sat in his office. Tony didn't go home much, not if he could help it, not if he could avoid it. Home reminded him of Bucky, and it was too empty and lonely without him. 

“Bucky overreacted,” Steve said quietly. He took a small sip of the pricey scotch. He was hunched over in his chair, looking smaller and more vulnerable than Tony had ever seen him before. “Natasha told me you were planning on talking to him that night, but he looked at your phone and saw the extortion email before you could explain.” Tony could only nod. “What were you going to tell him?”

“The truth,” Tony said honestly, his voice raw and anguished. “I was… I was going to ask him if he thought I should run for a second term. If he wanted to stay with me for that long, to keep what we had a secret for that long. It isn't - wasn't,” and fuck, but that correction ached in the worst way, “fair to him. To be a secret. I want him, Steve. More than anyone or anything I've ever wanted in my entire life.”

Steve gave him a small, sad smile. “I'd never seen Bucky happier than when he was with you. Hiding and all. I didn't know he was unaware of Pepper and Natasha. It seems like such an open secret, to me.” He shrugged and took another sip of his drink. “I wish I'd mentioned it, though. Found a way to bring it up. He… he knew you loved him, though.”

“Does he know I still love him?” Tony asked with a wet laugh. He was always so close, too close, to tears when he talked about Bucky. “I write to him every single week. I tell him I love him every time. But he hasn't written back. I don't think he will.” 

Steve didn't reply to that. How could he? Any reassurances would be empty, false platitudes, and he knew Tony would know them for what they were. 

“Give him some time, Tony,” Steve said at last. “I can't say how this will turn out, but I know he loves you. That doesn't just go away.”

Tony nodded, but he wasn't happy. How could he be? Bucky had almost died in his arms, all over a stupid misunderstanding. He won't ever forgive himself for that. 


	4. A5: Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Square fill:  
> A5 Reunion
> 
> longest chapter! 3248 words :)

Three months was a long time to be away from everything. The world had changed. Not much, but the political atmosphere, one Bucky had once prided himself on knowing so well, had shifted with the tides, as it so often did. Usually, Bucky knew when those shifts were coming. He could sense them, anticipate them. Not now, not when he'd been away for so long and out of the game, out of touch. There hadn't been an TV at the rehab facility, as nice as it was. Not even a newspaper. They'd been told they needed to separate themselves from what was happening out there in the world and focus only on themselves and getting better. Well, Bucky was supposedly better now. Three months sober and with some of the shit in his head all cleared up, too. 

He'd gone straight to Steve when he got out. Took a bus back to D.C. and showed up on Steve's doorstep like a long-lost dog. Or a bad rash that refused to stay gone. He wasn't sure how Steve felt about him now, not after all that time away. But then Steve had opened the door and hugged him, and Bucky felt like maybe things would be okay. 

He spent two days in Steve's apartment getting caught up on everything he'd missed. It took some time to accept that all the rumors floating around about Tony's apparent alcoholism were his fault. He felt horrible about that, but he knew the only way to handle it was to talk to him about it. He just wasn't sure he was ready for that. 

On his third day back, he dressed himself nicely and headed out with Steve for some function or another. He rarely knew what kind of event he was going to until he got there. It had never seemed overly important before. He didn't want to make a big deal out of being gone and coming back, though, so he'd asked Steve to keep things quiet. He was a background player, not someone who would really blip on anyone's radar. And he was fine with that, really. He typically got whatever information he needed to help whoever he had decided to help at the time. For the six months before he went to rehab, he had helped Tony exclusively, though Tony didn't often know about it. 

His confidence was mostly shot to shit, though. He wasn't sure he could be the suave, smooth-talking twink he'd always been. How could he? He was certain everyone who had even heard of his name knew where he'd been for the last three months. Why wouldn't they know? What did anyone gain by lying or trying to cover for him? That would have been stupid. He was a nobody. 

Which was part of the reason he was afraid to talk to Tony. He wasn't good enough for Tony. He'd always known that, somewhere in the back of his mind. He was a stupid kid with a poli-sci degree pretending like he knew how to play with the big leagues. He didn't know. He didn't know anything. And he wasn't good enough for someone like the goddamn president. How could he be? He still wasn't certain if he should believe all those letters Tony had sent or not. It wasn't like he could confide in his therapist that he was secretly fucking the president, after all. Doctor-patient confidentiality be damned. That story would sell to the highest bidder, and Bucky wasn't stupid enough to believe a doctor could be trusted with a secret like that, not when it wouldn't hurt them at all to expose it. That was how very little someone like him, with no real name, no family, no power, no money, was worth. 

He just didn't measure up. 

He hadn't expected to see Tony at the event. Tony, who was already drunk at one in the afternoon. Tony, who hadn't seen him first. Tony, who looked fucking awful with guilt and exhaustion and sadness. Tony, who was still so beautiful it hurt to look at him for more than a few seconds. Bucky was so tempted to march right over to him and take that damn glass out of his hand and tell him what a damn idiot he was in front of all these people. But he didn't dare. 

And then he saw Natasha. She didn't give him the chance to escape, though. She'd been standing beside Pepper - a little too close to Pepper to be just Tony's campaign manager and friend. Maybe there was some truth to  _ that  _ after all, but Bucky wasn't going to push it. Natasha herded him off to the side, then down a hall and into a private room. Bucky took a deep breath when he heard her close the door behind him. 

“It's nice to see you again,” she said gently. 

“Good to be back,” he offered half-heartedly, not turning to face her. He looked around the room instead. It looked like a generic office. No personal items, no pictures. Natasha stepped around to face him, but Bucky couldn't look at her. “You look nice.”

“How would you know?” she snorted. “You couldn't tear your eyes away from Tony, and you haven't met mine since we've been in here.”

“I like my balls where they are, thanks,” Bucky said dryly. “You always look nice, even when you don't.” 

Natasha hummed, apparently satisfied with that answer. She reached out slowly and took Bucky's hand. “What's wrong?”

Bucky finally looked up at her, allowed her to see the fear in his eyes. Her own widened in surprise for a half a second. “I'm afraid if I go and talk to him now, I really will lose him forever,” he whispered. 

“You won't,” Natasha murmured gently, stepping forward to wrap her deceptively strong arms around his shoulders and pull his head down so he could relax and let her hold him up. His arms circled her waist and he allowed her to take his weight, to support him now when he so desperately needed it. “Tony needs you, Bucky.”

The door opened. Bucky flinched, but Natasha held on. Heels clicked over the floor. “She's right.” Pepper's voice felt alien to him. “He needs you, Bucky.” 

Pepper sounded so  _ sure _ , so absolutely certain. Bucky didn't know how to argue with her, only that he knew she must be wrong. How could someone like Tony need someone like him?

“He’s… tired,” Pepper sighed. She came around to the side so Bucky could see her. He stood upright to face her, but Natasha held on. “He's broken without you. It's not the job. It's trying to do this job without someone like you by his side to keep him afloat.” She gave him a smile, tinged with just a hint of sadness. “He wasn't alive without you here. He couldn't breathe without you.” She took a deep, slightly wavering breath. “I can't be what he needs, not like you can. I've known that for a very long time now. And I have Natasha.” She smiled and reached out, and Natasha met her had to give it a quick squeeze before returning to Bucky's shoulder. “He needs you, Bucky. And so, I need you. Please. Come back to him. To us.”

“Does he know what you're asking?” Bucky asked, his voice brittle and dry in his throat, almost rasping. 

“No,” Pepper said with a smile. “Not at all.”

“But he wants this,” Natasha added. “He wants  _ you _ . He said he's written to you every single week you've been gone. Is that true?” She asked like it was a challenge, like she already knew the answer, but she was going to force Bucky to acknowledge it. Bucky could only nod.

“You see?” Pepper said, almost imploring. “Bucky, he can't try to run another election race without you. Hell, I don't know if he can finish this  _ term  _ without you. You are - you are the most important person in his entire life. If you truly don't feel that way, say so now, end it permanently. But do it now. This… this place he’s in now isn't any good for anyone.” She looked close to tears by the time she finished. Bucky felt close to tears, himself. 

He stepped away from Natasha and cleared his throat as he died his eyes. Natasha went straight to Pepper's arms and wrapped herself around her. Bucky had to admit they looked… right together. The fit. He wondered if he and Tony looked like that. He doubted it.

“Can you bring him here?” Bucky asked. Natasha nodded immediately. 

“What are you going to tell him?” Pepper asked. Natasha paused by the door, waiting to hear. “We… we need to be prepared for the fallout.”

Bucky wrapped his arms around himself and gave her a wet, self-deprecating smile. “I might be the worst person in the world for this, but I want him. I want him so bad I can't stand it.” 

Pepper smiled and walked closer. She hugged him gently. “You aren't the worst person in the world, Bucky,” she whispered. “You are the best person for Tony. Don't ever doubt that.” She kissed his cheek gently. “I'm going to wait out in the hall. Think of me as moral support.” She smiled brighter. Natasha was already gone by the time Bucky looked at the doors again. Pepper squeezed his hand to reassure him, though it didn't help. 

Bucky was so nervous he thought he was going to throw up. He wiped his sweaty palms against his jeans nervously. What the fuck did he think he was doing? Honestly? Was he fucking insane? Probably. But at least he wasn't the only one. Pepper and Natasha were, too. Steve was, too. Steve had mentioned how much Tony missed him, but Bucky had dismissed the idea, figured Steve couldn't possibly know or understand. Steve and Tony weren't really friends, after all. 

The door opened again, and Bucky froze solid at the sharp intake of breath. He turned slowly. Tony was there, standing just at the threshold. He looked like he was ready to turn and run. Bucky didn't blame him. He was half tempted to try and break out of the window himself. 

“Bucky,” Tony breathed, almost reverent, yet still so sad. 

“Hi, Tony,” Bucky said, offering Tony a weak, watery smile. “I got your letters. They, um. They helped.”

“Been to rehab a few times myself,” Tony chuckled, closing the door behind himself. He was still stiff, still awkward. “I know it isn't all sunshine and roses, not even the celebrity version.”

Bucky swallowed down his anxiety and faced Tony head-on. “Are you planning on going back?” 

“Uh, no?” Tony looked so confused.

“You don't act like it,” Bucky snipped. “It's one thirty, Tony. You're already drunk. What the hell?”

“Well excuse the fuck out of me for not dealing well with my goddamn boyfriend almost dying in my fucking arms!” Tony shouted. He closed his eyes and turned away. “I'm sorry. I don't - I don't blame you.” Bucky felt like ice. Tony could stand there and say he didn't blame him all he wanted, but it sure sounded like it. “I really don't, but I know you don't believe me. I just. I didn't know what to do, and you weren't talking to me. You never answered any of my letters. I asked you for your opinion about the campaign and you - you ignored me. I didn't know how to cope with that. I thought you didn't want anything else to do with me, and I didn't handle it well.” He smiled sardonically at the wall. “I never do. Went to rehab the first time when my girlfriend, Sunset Bain, stole millions of dollars of designs from me. The second time was after my parents died. The third time was after Ty.” He turned to face Bucky. “I would have dropped everything for you, Bucky. I would have left office after one term, I'd have finally been able to divorce Pepper, and I'd have released a million and a half pictures of the two of us  _ myself _ .”

“Would,” Bucky whispered. “But not anymore, right?” He smiled, letting the tears fall freely. “I told Pepper this was a bad idea.” He shook his head. “Just - just go, Tony. Please. I can't be near you. I can't have you so close and know you aren't mine anymore.”

“So you're ending it, then?” Tony challenged, stepping closer. Bucky took a step back and hit the desk. He didn't have anywhere to go. “You're finally telling me one way or another?”

“I don't want to!” Bucky shouted. “I want you so bad I can't fucking stand it! I can't keep anything right in my head when you're standing there.” He hugged his arms tight to his body. “I didn't write you back because I thought you would give up on me. I thought, surely, you'd see what a fuck up I am now. I thought you'd finally understand what I've been trying to fucking tell you this entire goddamn time.” 

Tony took another step closer, and Bucky could smell his cologne and the alcohol on his breath, the product he used in his hair, and even his aftershave. “You're human, Bucky. You fucked up, yeah, but I've fucked up a lot more than you have. I'm fucking up right now.” Bucky looked up, about to ask what he meant, when Tony kissed him. 

Bucky  _ melted _ . It felt so right, so perfect. It had been so damn long since Tony had held him in his arms, since Tony had kissed him. That night in the shower was the last time, and Bucky couldn't remember that night for shit, not really. He remembered the pictures, the email, the terror and anger, in brief flashes, but nothing else from that entire day. But this was everything he knew he had been missing, and he never wanted to give it up. 

He wrapped his arms around Tony and drew him in even closer. This might be the very last chance he ever got to kiss Tony like this, to be with Tony, so he was going to make the most of it. He licked the taste of alcohol from Tony's mouth, shuddering at the bite of the expensive scotch Tony liked. He tugged at the short hairs on the back of Tony's neck and sat heavily on the edge of the desk so he could wrap one leg around Tony's thigh and draw him in even closer. Tony's hands slid down his back, forcing him to arch up into their kiss, pressing their chests together, then sliding around to Bucky's sides. Bucky moaned into the kiss as Tony bit and sucked at his bottom lip. 

“I love you,” Tony murmured as he broke the kiss and peppered more over Bucky's jaw and down to his neck. “I love you so much I can't stand it. I don't know how to be without you anymore.”

“Then don't,” Bucky said simply, tightening his hold on Tony's shoulders and tipping his head back and to the side to give Tony more room. “Don't be without me.”

Tony lifted his head and looked at Bucky for a moment. “Do you mean that?” he asked seriously. His hands tightened at Bucky's hips, as if he were afraid Bucky was going to shove him away and run. “Will you - will you stay? With me?”

“Yes,” Bucky whispered, adding a nod for good measure. “But you have to stop drinking so much.”

“Anything,” Tony agrees immediately. “I'll literally buy you the fucking moon. I don't care. Whatever it is. Bucky -” He broke off that sentence to kiss Bucky, infinitely tender and gentle that time. “I love you, and I would do anything to have you back.”

“You never lost me,” Bucky reminded him, searching his whiskey brown eyes, seeing that love there, feeling that - maybe, just maybe - Tony was telling the truth. “I never stopped being yours.” 

“Thank Christ,” Tony whispered. He kissed Bucky again, hungry and devouring. Bucky opened eagerly too him, even grinding just a little against Tony's hip. Tony groaned. 

And then, of course, before their fun could truly begin, the door opened. “I hate to interrupt,” Pepper said, her eyes dancing with mirth and a smile on her lips that proved she really wasn't that sorry  _ at all _ . “But you have a speech to deliver in about fifteen minutes, Tony, and I thought you might need that time to… freshen up?” Bucky admired her tact, that was for sure. 

“Is there anything anywhere that says I have to stay after?” Tony asked, looking at her over his shoulder. 

“It’ll be rude, but no, nothing that says you have to stay,” Pepper answered, genuinely smiling now. “I'll stay and cover for you, don't worry.” She looked at Bucky. “I think you two could use the time to get… reacquainted.” 

Bucky nodded. “Thank you,” he said quietly but sincerely. He hoped she understood just how much he was thanking her for.

“Of course,” she said. Her smile was gentle, now, and Bucky thought maybe she did understand. “Take good care of him, Bucky.” 

“I'll do my best,” he promised. Tony tightened his arms around Bucky and hid his face against Bucky's neck. Pepper slipped back out into the hall and shut the door behind herself. “I love you, too, Tony. More than I know how to say.” 

“Just - stay like this. For a little while,” Tony asked. “I need to feel you're real.” 

Bucky combed his fingers through Tony's hair and rubbed his back. It was soothing, comforting. Tony had done the same for him so many times. He knew he'd missed this, but he had no idea just how  _ much  _ he'd missed it until now. He would never let this go. Not again. It would kill him. 

“Come on, Mister President,” Bucky said, nudging Tony up when about ten minutes had passed. “Time to give your speech and then we can leave.” He smiled when Tony looked at him, and he eagerly returned Tony's kiss when Tony leaned close. 

“First, let me ask,” Tony whispered against his lips. “Should I run for another term? Will you be okay being my secret for that long? You know  _ why _ , but -”

“Yes, Tony,” Bucky said, stopping him. “Run again. Beat out Pierce. You're amazing at this, and almost everyone loves you. I love you.” He kissed Tony again. “I can wait. As long as it takes, okay?”

“If you're sure,” Tony said with a small smile. Bucky nodded. He wasn't, not really, but it felt right, and he wasn't going to ignore that feeling. Tony helped him down off the desk and they fixed and adjusted each other's clothes and hair as they had done so many times before. Bucky kissed Tony very gently one last time before sending him out first. He waited a full minute before leaving next, and he got to the big room where Tony was just beginning his speech right on time. 

Steve looked at Bucky and raised his eyebrow. Bucky only smiled. Steve grinned in return, and Bucky thought, yes. Things were better now. They weren't fixed, not entirely, but they were better, and he was happier. He hoped Tony was too. He noticed, immediately, that Tony no longer had a glass of scotch in hand, but a bottle of water. He smiled. Things would be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> Check out these two links! The [first ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etSZfxZOpFs&feature=youtu.be)is to a clip from _Political Animals_ and helped to inspire a LOT of this fic. The [second ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bplzBgHM6k8&feature=youtu.be)is from _Scandal_ , which inspired a conversation in the last chapter! Warnings for the first video: nudity, adultery, drug use references, and on-screen kissing between men. (One of them is Sebastian Stan!) 


End file.
